Tag: Personal


brave words 2007-7-8 (107 words)

Oh well. Perceptions. My dear sister (yes, I have one of those, hi micha) actually read my blog here. And she commented in an email that she applauds my "brave words." Heh, well.. to me they really don't feel that brave. Granted, I might state a few opinions here than some may not. Amd my view of the world is definetly different from a lot of people's worldview. Yet O don't feel very curagious in what I say here on this blog. MAybe that's just because the thoughts I express here a genuinly mine, and as such feel natural to me. It got me thinking for sure :)

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What to write about Trieste 2007-7-24 (655 words)

So I spent a few days in Trieste with my family and Marc's family. It was great fun to get to know each other on this more personal basis. The trip itself was mixed with some mishaps, an almost car breakdown that turned out to be a blessing and generally... stuff. I'm really not sure how I could write about it all here. Maybe a summary in a few words would be: Although we felt stressed and somethings went not too well at the time,. in hindsight we had a really great time :) You could maybe call it a challenge that worked out really well. ...

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Is this something we can afford not to do? 2007-10-1 (271 words)

In an article on Second Life Insider titled "Diverse ruminations on human factors in virtual world experiences, not limited to the unexpected value of misconceptions" Tateru Nino talks about the 3+1 base factors that decide on the "is it worth it for me" of doing most anything and being in a virtual world specificaly. The three main visible factors being Novelty, Satisfaction and Friction. Interestingly there is a fourth one added that is usually not seen outright: Misconception, and it is noted that it can well be a positive force. ...

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movement, from a safe place 2007-11-1 (76 words)

I write about this before: I have a base need for mivement in a situational sense. Movement as opposed to stasis. Yet I also have this strong need for a safe place. Maybe it's the anchor... I guess what I am seeing in these seemingly opposing patterns in my life (need for constant change while also needing a safe place) comes down to the two base elements that are strongest to my nature: fire and earth.

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the bat never fell far from the tree 2008-2-27 (62 words)

Here's a nice profile shot of my pa (left) and me in the background. Currently having similar facial hair, it seems quite obvious we are related, no? It hasn't been that obvious to me in pictures before, as my pa tended to have a very full beard in the past... and didnÄt have any.

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being visited 2008-2-18 (379 words)

When there is someone visiting a foreign country, there's often someone local being visited. Sometimes both visitor and visited are on vacation at the same time... but I'm sadly not. So I'll be busy bat and just point to the story here :)...

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prose: When Depression Lifts 2008-1-5 (113 words)

Gone is the Pain, gone the Wallowing....

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it was my birthday 2008-5-28 (46 words)

Huh, I'm an old man now, apparently. On 14th of MAy 2008 I turned 38. Go figure....

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back up, but not from backup 2008-6-27 (1282 words)

You *may* have noticed, this server was down for almost two days. What's up?

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identifying 2008-6-29 (135 words)

Bless Her Holy Hooves for inventing Google and lyrics sites. I had two CD-Rs of wonderful music lying around here I never got around to actually listen to. They were in audio track format, and as such had lost all track/artist/album info you'd normally have. I had a listin of all tracks, but sadly that lacked any resenblance of the proper order of tracks on the CDs. rying to identify them by lenght was hopeless, as they seemed to differ by 1-2 seconds each. What ti do... Well, googeling the track titles, listening to the lyrics and googeling for the first few lines of the tracl... actually worked quite well in the end. There were some obvious ones in it anyway, and once you identified a few, it only get's easier :)

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edgeworker 2008-8-27 (219 words)

For no apparent reason - apart from getting older - I've been musing about class reunions... and had an interesting observation: one the one side I'm not really interested in meeting my class mates again. Yeah it would be nice for curiosity's sake and all that... but the people from my school I'd actually want to re connect with weren't class mates of mne....

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little things we like but don't need 2008-8-28 (231 words)

More musings and observations... A friend recently got a nice cigarette lighter by filling out a promational questionaire in a mall. On our way home in the car this lighter ended up in my hands, and I toyed around with it. It was a very solid feeling thing, one of those objects that just feel good and solid to play around with. In that car, I wanted one of these too. Not being a smoker, I had no reason to ask my friend if I could have this one, or if I could take one of those questionaires myself to get one... So here I was, wanting an object I had really no use for. In the end I just gave up this little gem that was not to be mine and handed it back to my friend - who had a real use for it anyway....

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fear, panic, thresholds 2008-8-31 (898 words)

aMusing my genius: "Going back into the dark realms of my early memories as a little kid, much of the world seemed a deeply scary place to me."...

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the quest is off 2009-3-28 (323 words)

Well only those who read my Twitter updates would know about "The Quest" but anyway, I consider it over. Or rather - off. Here's a central piece of poetry/musing that I wrote that reflects the core theme of that quest for me:...
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Reading History 2009-1-12 (97 words)

The Tinderbox world sees a öot of discussion around Reading Jounrnals lately - Journals of what book one has read. with comments. That spaarked and interesting realisation for me: I usually percoeve my reading as "I wish I could read more, there's so many book I haven't read." But looking back on all the books I have read... that'S quite a list! Only considering all the books I have read that I actually still have with me, I don't think I could even start to compile a journal of them. It would be a major task of bookkeeping ^

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not into much of anything 2008-12-27 (22 words)

Life, like so many other things, fades in importance quite a bit when you step away from it for a few days :)

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eMail coaching musings 2005-7-15 (397 words)

I have started doing the eMail-coaching thing again I wrote about some time ago. And interestingly I hit the exact same kind of 'block' with my clent as before. See my post 'reluctant volunteers' for more on that. But here a pattern seems to form....

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on the stay 2005-8-24 (130 words)

One funny thing about blogging that sometimes one communicates hardship but forgets to also write about how and whhen it's resolved.

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navel gazing with the Bright Idea Deck 2005-9-23 (452 words)

With my interest into Tarot - and the design of it - it might not be surprising I had to have the Bright Idea Deck by Mark McElroy. It's very much like a Tarot deck, only very much more "usable" for normal, un-enlightened people. It's symbology is straightforward and depicts scenes from everyday life. No mythology or arcane symbolism. At least not such that can't be understood directly without a major in the occult. And given my dabblings in using Tinderbox for Tarot use, it was only natural I tried out various spreads and how to record the readings in Tinderbox.

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to whinge, or to observe small anoyances 2008-3-1 (250 words)

Know thyself - is a key message and skill on living a better personal life. Some time ago I started to pay far more attention to what Arnold Mindell calls 'flirts' abd 'bleeps' (Dreaming While Awake)... small notions and yet-unformed moods. The idea is that you recognize a mood change before it adversly affects you and your surrounding, by observinge the small things. To do so obviously also brings an awareness of small anoyances, and with it the urge to communicate them. Here's where things get tricky: not many people are prepared or expect you to openly state and want to discuss things like "The noise in this room makes listening to you hard" or "I feel stressed by talking about this topic over the phone."...

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the outside of your world could be the inside of mine 2008-3-1 (49 words)

Vlad is re-emerging? A Place Made Entirely Of Sky... "As with the sky, I've become aware the true directions of self are in and out.
Out is where I'm headed."

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re learning my own signature 2008-2-29 (410 words)

For the most part of my adult life, I have had a pretty poor excuse for a signature - the thing you use to sign legal papers etc. The one I use developed - or rather detriorated - during my first job. I had to do the cash counting, fill out a form and deliver both to the store's main cash register in the short time between end of business and close of registration. That was sometomes about 10 minutes or less, and also involved a lonish walk and climbing several staircases. Signing the form legibly was my least concern. But doing this on six days of the week for almost two years... kind of burnt in that weird scrawl of a signature that might have been three crosses for all it mattered....

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How do I get to Stockholm? 2006-3-7 (33 words)

I have been personally invited to "The Game Of Now". And I signed up. So now... how do I get to Stockholm on April 29th? In a way... the game has already begun.

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I am narrow sighted 2006-2-24 (229 words)

I was born that way. And this is not a confession of a deficit. It's a realisation. And an explanation of what has made me as mentaly flexible as I am.

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this is the end - of '05 2005-12-31 (192 words)

Oh well. Time for that "last post of the year" stuff.

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GTD downhill 2005-11-29 (215 words)

Do you feel that the act of getting things done sometimes is a an uphill battle? That it takes enormous effort to get it done, more than simply not doing the things?

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unpackin boxes 2005-11-4 (78 words)

Now comes the fun times of unpacking. The mpve is almost complete. But now we live between piles of boxes....

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this is a different life 2005-11-3 (157 words)

A lot of things have changed in thge last weeks and yet some more will change.

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more packing thougths 2005-10-21 (220 words)

I've been packaging old memories again. A lot of "valuable" stuff.

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re-aligning plans 2005-9-30 (182 words)

Things change. Plans - even life plans - turn out to be no onger sensible. I'm in one of those situations now.

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knowing when - and how - to split 2005-9-28 (123 words)

All my thoughts and energies these last months and week have been focused on ways to get and keep things going. Overcoming reluctancy and all. But what if going on no longer is the right choice?

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NoA - Need of Assistance 2006-5-2 (246 words)

Travelling to Amsterdam on my own has been a blast. That's the best I can describe it. And due to my visual handicap... it seemed to be far more difficult than it actually was.

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Traumwind Studio - first days 2006-5-13 (389 words)

There's a new development in my work/life situation. I seem to be constantly trying out new things :)

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Happy 36 to me 2006-5-14 (39 words)

Hey! It's my birthday! And this time I will be celebrating. Last year was not such a good year for celebrations, but this year promises to be even the better for it. So now I am 36. Go figure.

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still offline 2006-5-20 (183 words)

My second retreat into the isolation of my Studio is almost ending (I'm going back home today after another three days here). I got the letter from T-COM today finally stating they are working on my DSL connceting. The nominal date of that happening would be the 29th of MAy. But it can well take a week or so longer they tell me. So here I am, working offline and in isolation for as lomg as it is sensible, and going back home to synch with the team SVN and download stuff I need to go on. It is, again, a different kind of workflow. I am quite proud of my own ability to qork inspite of these difficulties. It takes some thought and planning, but it always astounds me what the human mind can come up with if it is asked to ndeal with limitations. Oh, that reminds me: go read my guest post on Wrestling The Angel titled "Limitation as a creative tool" if you haven't already. There's a nice blogging-story about this post, but that's for another entry.

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how much is 56k analog dial-up really? 2006-5-27 (167 words)

Just a few days short of finally having a decent DSL line here in the Studio... I fell for trying out the almost forgotten internal 56k analog modem in my TiBook. What can I say?! I'm online! And the "speed" is not soooo bad when compared to the 64k ISDN line I have at home. Ok, ISDN can use two channels at once, which gives a theoretical 128k. But that is then also double the cost-per-minute (two lines), so you don't use it if you can avoid it. So jey, I'm surfing and emailing at least. And man! Will I miss the "tweep-sqeeeech" it does when dialing in. I really missed that when switching to ISDN...

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DSL joys 2006-6-5 (42 words)

Yeah, HEY! I am online. Oh I am so ON-line here :)

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fully broadbanded now 2006-6-7 (82 words)

Ok, time for some disclaimers/annoouncements... some of you might already know or have gained... I now work for Marc Canter and Broadband Mechanics, on the PeopleAggregator code. It's a real wide spread team, and 'virtual team'. So now you know why I've been a little quiet here, busy! We have release of v1.0 on Jube 30th (Gnomedex)! So now you know why I really wanted this Studio and it's DSL access. So I could be online and WORK all night :)

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backup, yeah, WTF 2006-6-17 (301 words)

Oh yeah, HEY. BAckup your shit. And I mean, like, NOW. Really, do it. Regardless of what I'm just about to say here.

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fully getting my kit together 2006-6-25 (385 words)

Well is seems I am really getting this whole Studio thing worked out finally. This weekend I seem to have finally gotten my windows machine back into fully functional mode. And networked and internet connected. Wow. And now you need to know that all that was keeping this thing from being fully functional for almost the last one and a half years (!) was basically the fact that it was always too much hassle to actually get it done. I made do with my Mac and carrying filkes back and forth on a usb memory stick. Each time I tried the networking thing... things went so bad so fast I usually didn't bother. And what is really getting me up about myself mostly in this, is the fast that there was really zero hardware reason for it not to function in a network. I was assuming a faulty NIC. But today I see that it's perfectly ok. Same went for the monitor. I have this lovely EIZO 19" monitor. I really loved it, and was quite proud of it. Super shap and crisp clean colors. Until the last two years or so. It was hurting my eyes. It seems to have a kind of fuzzy unsharpness. Not bad, so some people never really noticed. But my eyes watered after a few minutes. So that was another reason NOT to really look into this thing. And now? I got myself a hight quality monitor cable (no idea when and where it had aquired this crappy one I had been using). And well... what do I say? It's crisp and clear again. For an investment of about 6,- EURO that is quite some payback.

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raindrops keep on falling on my bed 2006-8-10 (216 words)

Oh boo. This is getting serious. What started as a few drops from my celing has drawn out for over two weeks now and became a rush of water yesterday. So we (landlord and me) finally managed to get the comany to get their act together and drill holes and monitor etc. Thing is they need access to the appartments above me to do this at all. We managed to get one of my neighbours after work yesterday evening, but it turns out is probably not from her appartment. So now the (new) hunt for the OTHER neighbour starts. All the while my celing dripps whenever something we can't yet define is happening. It is not constant, so it is likely it is tied to what my neighbour (or the one above him etc) does or doesn't do. ...

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Serenity arrived 2006-8-10 (312 words)

And Serenity will eventually replace Tranquility. Not as a concept. Serenity is the machine name of my new MacBook white 1.83 dual core intel - thingie. and Tranquility is the name I gave to this TiBook almost two and a half years ago. ...

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there will be typos 2006-8-11 (144 words)

So ok. I was telling you about my transition to Serenity. And how ubercool my new MacBook is. Ha! And it is. But the keybord, and espcially the keys have one big problem for me. The letters on the keys have comparably low contrast. Grey on white. Looks cool, yes. But if you a) don't see too well and b) can't really blind-type (pun intended)... This will take some practice. And that is why I am hell bent on USING this machine for anything and everything now. Only typing a lot and fast will ever give me the safety and coonfidence I had back on Tranquility. Oh, And I am still in awe of the screen. It IS small. and it has higher res, so type faces are even smaller yet.. but still it works quite well. Must be much clearer and sharper :)

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update on the dripfront 2006-8-16 (112 words)

So wow. Now I have an open celing, and we know - or susoect - where it is coming from. Zje boys with the sewage-cam were here today to inspect the pipes and needed to open up quite a bit of celing and wall. Which is cool, only considering they did it in my 'bedroom'. So now I have buckest where my bed belongs, and a wet spot on the flor behind where the TV belongs that reeks slightky of urine. No wonder about that, it is a sewage pipe they needed to open after all. Thank heavens for the stone tile flooe this appartment has. Just imagie this would have been carpet :)

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Feline Visitations 2006-8-22 (41 words)

it's time for moma to go swimm so little Feline get's to play with Papa and his new MacBook. It has a CAMERA and there is "Lin-ääh" on it. What a pair we are :)...

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a death in the family 2007-3-28 (171 words)

My uncle died in hospital tuesday 2am. It was suprising although we all had been prepared for the eventuality. He had been suggering from muscle distrophy for all his life. At the age of 50+ he was no longer able to walk etc. Our thoughts and concerns are now with his mother of age 91 (!) who was very much the motor and support in his life. My grandma is a very clear, warm and yet rational/pragmatic woman. She has remained very active and strong despite her age. She had a reason, a purpose. We now wish for her to find a new joy and purpose in life so that she may enjoy the remaining years. Having lived with and cared for her son for all of his life and now outliving him is definerly not what she expected to see happen. There is so much more I could say about all this... yet I will just end this post by saying I am proud of my grandma and her life.

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Papa auch (Bett)? 2007-1-21 (141 words)

oh yeah! The power of toddlers to get their papa's to comply with the rythms that have been 'forced' upon them :) Wee Feline (2 1/2) and yours truly are having a 'weekend' while mama and son are 'skiing' in the green. So I get to bring little Feline to bed and all that. Now being a freecyclic sleeper of sorts, the innocent "papa too?" questions can have tremendous impact on my sleep pattern. She loves it when I bring her to bed and snuggle in with her til she is gone. And, well, by that time I might be well gone also. The trick is to actually remember oneself being a free cycle sleeper. Meaning: use the sleep you are getting to get up and work later. And make sure you are fresh when she get's up again by 6am :)

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patience, so much patience 2007-1-18 (337 words)

People around me who know my situation(s) often are astounded by the amount of patience I can have with adverse situations. "Where do you take that patience from?"...

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end-of-calendar-digit 2006-12-29 (545 words)

You didn't really expect me to honour the "change of the year as an opportunity to reflect" meme, did you? Well you might be suprised. I have never really cared for the official end of year stuff. Today is a day, and tomorrow is one too. And on one day we write '06, on the other we try not to forget to change our habit and write '07. But then, thi last year has seen a load of changes and developmeents for me and my small family... so I guess I might just as well give you a round up. Trust me, I'll do it in the most cryptic of way I can. You know me by now :)

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five things 2006-12-20 (312 words)

Since I have been tagged, I guess I should play along. Well I never really liked playing tag, and usually was the end-of-line for any such game. Once tagged I would never tag anybody else. There are and were very good reasons for that. Nowadays I simply don't run when in a hurry. But more on that below. I'll try to not repeat stuff from earlier infections of this or similar memes...

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intelligent praise 2006-12-2 (234 words)

I noticed I have a strange thing with praise. I like being praised, everyone does. Only my reaction if quite often "Yeah, right"... Maybe that's a sign of lacking self worth, not really believing I am any good at what I do. Then I dug deeper:...

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It really feels different 2006-11-26 (112 words)

When you are down and feeling it, you sometimes don't know anymore if you are only ill (flu), or if you are just plain lethargic. You can't sleep but also can't really do anything. Well, once you can stop the medications, things do change. I was really starting to think I was chronically lethargic these last days. Couldn't get to sleep but then couldn't get up either once I did slumber away. Today is the first day I spend without pain in my throat and without medication. What a change! My day cycle is totaly twisted, but that's normal for me anyway. It really feels like I'm almost back up to speed.

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turkeys, virusses and creative rolls 2006-11-24 (223 words)

So a small part of the world is celebrating thanksgiving, also known as turkey day. We don't celebrate that, but I kind of like the notion of 'giving thanks'. Some do it publicly, some in private, some only to themselves. But the idea is the same. Think about what you are thankful for. The mere act of that might show you more things to be thankful about than you ever expected. ...

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published 2006-11-8 (105 words)

With no small amount of pride I would like to point you to my first published SciFi short stoty "Original Death". I've been writing stories off and on for a long time now, but this is a first in the fact that it is not selfpublished. And I might also warmly recommend the site of 365tomorrows, a site dedicated to bringing out one original SF short per day. They already did their first full year run, and all those stories were brilliant. The site is now open to submission, but the original writers still publish and most of all select which submissions actually get published

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when it rains 2006-10-25 (94 words)

yeah, it pours. It did this week. Not only was our webserver offline since sunday night... I also missed a flight to Düsseldorf someone else had agreed to pay for, and I am still recovering from the 'bug I seem to have caught that lead to my in ability to get to the airport on time. Still quite shakey on my feet, but eating again. Oh yes, I've heard about that 'go out and enjoy some sun' get well-soon meme. That's that outside thing, right? Which happens only in the day hours? Hahaha :)

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welcome to my sofa 2006-10-8 (141 words)

Hey, welcome to my new "office". With the warm weather outside seeming to be over, I got a bad case of very cold feet. Somehow I seem to always get this draft on my feet that evn a double pair of socks and some shoes can't banish. So I finally got around ro installing my WLAN router here at home. Now I can sit on my sofa, have a blanket tucked over my feet and still write. It felt stupid ro do that before, as my desk is only two meters away. But with the advent of cold feet, reasons and motives change. HAHAHA, I am so enjoying this. There was a reason I got a MacBook after all - more than three hours of battery life, a bright screen, a totally cool touchpad with two finger scrolling and rightclick, the works :)

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ok, here we go. 2006-10-5 (145 words)

I did have the impression that thi last week of travel and socializing might for once break my cycle of crashing after being away from home. As much as I enjoy being with people and traveling etc, it seems I usually pay a high price in the week afterwards. Coming home from one week in Berlin I was very much surfing the high until today. Now I am sitting here staring blankly at my screen. Everything feels bland and I can only hear the echoes of the buzz. I will overcome this phase for sure, as I alsways do. It takes time for me to adapt again, and travel does not grant me that. I come home and face a period of desorientation, exaustion and re-orientation. This time the effect was simply postponed. But you know what? The price was very well worth it.

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re-connecting with my net 2006-10-3 (131 words)

This seems strange from a certain point of view. I just came home from a week of presentations, solicalizing, meatspace networking and conferencing. And here I am, re-connecting with my social network. All the while I am actually sitting all by myself in my appartment. It became very obvious to me that large parts of my social network are actually "virtual" for most of the time. Some of my closest contacts actually connect to me via IM or email. And even in the case of my wife and children, who I see regularly in realspace, I was reconncecting via Skype. And no, I don't need to go get myself a life. I have one very much thank you. Only it has choosen to express itself through other than traditional channels.

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BarCamp to BatCave 2006-10-2 (74 words)

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travelling merry man 2006-9-20 (97 words)

Well hey! I am not done travelling this month either. Being one of Marc Canter's band of merry men, and the local German guy at that, I shall be meeting up with Marc in Munich on the 25th. We will be attending the WebMontag with Raju Bitter. And on Tuesday it's off to Berlin for some more meetings and fun. Depending on Raju's ability to persude me to stay, I might be attending the Berlin WebStammtisch (on wednesday night I think) and possibly also the BarCamp Berlin saturday/sunday... What a trip, and it's not even started :)

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Rauschkulissen 2006-9-20 (132 words)

So, you might ask, where was Martin traveling all alone? and, more specificaly, WHY?

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the blind leading the blind 2006-9-20 (295 words)

I have been 'away' traveling alone this last weekend, which is not a very common thing for me to happen. And - in hindsight - the best thing about this trip was the obstacle of getting home.

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back from Amsterdam 2006-5-2 (200 words)

Oh wow. Back home, and on the verge of moving again. Not moving home this time, but moving office.

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coming out of burnout 2006-4-25 (236 words)

In an attempt to finally scare off all my regular readers, here some more weird stuff from my journey through life....

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Not Stockholm, but Amsterdam 2006-3-22 (32 words)

Ok. This change. The best laid plans of men and mice... whatever. The Stockholm thing has moved to Amsterdam. Which is incidentally funny, as it will be around the Queen's birthday there.

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almost back online 2005-11-3 (155 words)

Oh-Kay. That move is almost done. I actually had telephone and net one day after it was promised. (Ok, the first of Nov. was a holiday...)

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Happy birthday, little one 2005-10-29 (57 words)

A very happy birthday to my little one: Feline Rita Aurelia spernau is one year of age today (29th of October 2005)!

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a time of utter chaos 2005-10-27 (57 words)

The upcoming days and nights will be almost utter chaos. We're moving ASAP, and that means I'm typing on the top of a pile of boxes. I need to hope the boxes won't be moved while I'm on them :) See you in a few days time once the dust settles down and I have net access again.

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because you deserve to know 2005-10-26 (122 words)

All that content output recently and then I go quiet again. What's up?

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packing and sorting 2005-10-20 (312 words)

We're getting ready to move home again. After less than one year. We came here with the intention to stay.

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another spread 2005-10-18 (174 words)

You might have read that between the lines: I'm in a state of flux, of uncertainty. New things coming - ready or not.

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what have I left - and what am I returning to? 2005-10-18 (381 words)

It all seems to have started somewhere around the time Dave Winer released Frontier 5 for Windows.

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my return to coding 2005-10-18 (251 words)

It seems I am on the verge of seriously returning to coding. After a break of almost one year.

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Do I have a name? 2005-10-17 (70 words)

I posted about the 'global microbrand' earlier. So, what is my personal 'brand' anyway?

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First entry 2004-1-16 (365 words)

Well hey-ho. ...

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fire and earth 2004-10-29 (1049 words)

My action need to follow my passion. I can't forcibly instill passion into my actions....

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my eyes seem to be getting better 2005-6-27 (324 words)

That title reads like a post from someone recovering from a temprary ailment... ...

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getting rid of small annoyances 2005-3-20 (190 words)

...can have dramatic effects on productivity......

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daylight therapy 2005-1-5 (279 words)

Having sufficient lighting can be very important for your day to day performance.

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Heroldsmühle day two and such 2004-12-23 (202 words)

Okay... this was intended as a series of posts journaling my first few days in a new home...

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Heroldsmühle - day one 2004-12-14 (600 words)

This is my first day in a new home. It's not really home yet, but it's where I will be living and working for the comming time of my life.

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